The Fourth Sunrise: A Love Story Read online

“So, I got in my truck and drove exactly .4 miles to the fair that was on the other side of the small town.

  “The fair always started on a Thursday night at 6:00 p.m. It was amazing what a Deltarado Days aficionado I had become.

  “I got to the fair a little after 8:00 p.m. as the sun began to go down. I had told Christine to meet me at the fair. I wasn’t specific, but you would think that she would only check three places. The softball-toss booth. Nope, she wasn’t there. The nurse’s station. Nope she wasn’t there. Or the place we really got to know each other, the picnic tables in front of the food booths. I made my way to the tables.

  “There were three women sitting at the far end of one table. At the far end on the other side was the image I had longed for these past seventeen years. She was wearing a beautiful blue and yellow sundress. She looked amazing. I stared at her as I walked towards her. It had been almost two decades since I’d last seen her.

  “I was once again taken aback. This woman was my refuge. This was just the third time in my life I had seen her. She was even more beautiful than I had ever remembered. Age only made her more feminine and beautiful. Her hair was dark black with streaks of gray. She was the vision of grace. She was the embodiment of class. I continued to approach. She saw me. She stood up and just stared at me. I walked toward her along the grass line. She stood still, just staring at me. Her face seemed unfamiliar at first, but then she did it. She looked at me in a way only she ever has: a longing, loving, gentle, hopeful stare that melted my heart every time I saw it.

  “As I walked up on her, she reached out to me. Her arms gripped my body tightly. It was obvious that she was really happy to see me. Then I swallowed her up with my arms and I swept her up in the air as if we were teenagers.

  “‘You came,’ she said. She repeated that statement three or four more times just gazing in my eyes.

  “‘I did,’ I wanted to kiss her so badly, but I resisted.

  “We both walked over to the benches and sat. ‘I am so excited you showed up.’ Christine squeezed my hand real hard. She must have thought there was a great chance I wouldn’t come.

  “‘I’m happy to see you,’ I said.

  “‘Joel, there were many times that I prayed that you would find the woman you had always hoped I’d be. I prayed that prayer for you every day for three years. Then about three months ago, I have to confess…the prayer changed.’ I looked at Christine and she began to look at me apologetically. ‘I was hoping to see you. I was selfish.’ Then her apologetic eyes became bold. ‘I didn’t care how it sounded. I needed to see you. I needed to hold you.’

  “I smiled at Christine as she took a long pause. ‘So my prayer was that you would show up. I didn’t want to think about anything other than being able to see you one more time.’

  “‘I was drawn here as if a supernatural force of my own creation had found me to do it against my will,’ I said jokingly.

  ‘“So, you didn’t want to come?’ Christine asked

  “‘I didn’t have a choice. The stars were aligned. It would have thrown everything off.’

  “Christine looked at me and nodded. ‘I have never met anyone in my life who talks the way you do,” Christine said.

  “‘I’m sorry,’ I said.

  “‘Don’t be. It’s what I love most about you. The way you think and the way you talk to me. I just can’t believe you came—your letter scared me.’

  “‘The letter was necessary. I had to write it and I’m sorry that I put it out there, but it was the only thing that made sense to me at the time.’ I was being truthful about my own enthusiasm. The truth was, I didn’t know myself why I was here. I mean, I knew I was following my heart. I just didn’t know why my heart relentlessly forced me to have feeling beyond my own understanding for a married woman. One thing was for sure. I loved her more at this moment than I had ever loved in my life and my eyes showed it.

  “‘I feel it too, Joel,’ Christine said, reading me like a book. Let’s get out of here. I have a night planned out for you if you like.’

  “‘You planned a night out for me?’ I was surprised. She had never done anything like this before. The fact that she had made plans really was evident she believed I was indeed showing up and I would call her on it. ‘You said you are surprised to see me, but yet you still made plans?’ I asked.

  “‘I hoped you show. I didn’t know if you would. In my heart, I prepared it as if I knew a thousand percent that you’d be here, but I didn’t know for sure. This is why the stars have once again brought us together...this one was a tad manipulated by you,’ Christine teased. ‘I figured if you showed up, we’d have a good time but if you didn’t, that meant you met someone and you were moving on with your life.’

  “‘And you would be okay with that?’ I asked.

  “‘Joel, I would be the most selfish woman in the world if I didn’t wish love for you. I just…’ Christine stopped talking. She was choked up. ‘I just… never mind.’

  “‘No, please tell me,’ I said.

  “‘I feel like I’m the worst human being on Earth. Here I am with a family and husband and there is still a part of me that wishes you would still hold on to me. I feel awful, but it is sincerely how I feel.’

  “‘I like it that you feel that way. In a weird way, it makes me still yours. I’m not yours by any stretch of the imagination, but the belief that I’m alone probably allows you to have all the cake you want.’ I was half teasing and half getting a dig in.

  “‘I know I’m a horrible person.’

  “‘You’re not a horrible person,’ I said, laughing. ‘You are the furthest thing from it. You’re a fantastic person, an amazing, beautiful person…a woman who takes my breath away, more today than you did thirty years ago. So, what are these plans?’ I asked.

  “‘I was going to take you to my house.”

  “‘Your house?’ I asked.

  “‘Well, both my parents passed away ten years ago, and I own it. I rent it out to a couple. They happen to be on vacation. So, we have the house to ourselves. I told them I’d be here for the night.’

  “‘Just for the night!’ I asked, disappointed.

  “‘My husband is expecting me to meet him in Seattle by two o’clock tomorrow. He let me stop in at Deltarado Days by myself. That took a lot of convincing because he was once a hometown boy.’

  “I looked at Christine and said, ‘Let’s get the hell out of here.’

  “On our way out of the fair, I talked her into stopping in one of those photo booths that prints three photos and, though she hated to have her photo taken, I think she knew I needed a photo of us together. She immediately parted with one of them, which I tucked in my wallet for safekeeping.”

  Chapter Twenty-two

  “This time, we took Christine’s car. I like sitting in the passenger seat when I’m unfamiliar with a section of town. Christine’s ranch was off to the side of town. It was still inside the city, but nowhere near downtown.

  “Christine pulled in front of an old house that was on a large piece of property. The house had a lot of character. In the back of the house was a stream where actual fish swam. At least, that is what Christine assured me. The house was single story, but very long. Probably had around six rooms. I never asked.

  “Christine led me through the front door. The house had a wonderful smell of home cooking and clean air. Christine sat me in a nice big comfy easy chair. When I sat in it, I felt a bit of fatigue. It was very relaxing.

  “Christine sat to the left of me in a loveseat. Christine went into the kitchen and poured some iced tea. ‘So, do you like sun tea, Joel?’

  “‘I love it,’ I said.

  “Soon Christine came back into the living room with two glasses of sun tea and some Wheat Thins. ‘How have you been, Joel?’

  “I sat up and said, ‘Life has definitely been interesting the last couple of years.’

  “How so?’

  “I was quiet because I knew the returned letter was a sens
itive subject for both of us. I needed to choose my words carefully. ‘Well, after I wrote you the letter...’ I paused awkwardly, waiting for a response, but she dismissed it, so I continued speaking. ‘You see it had been years since I even...’ I paused, a little bit embarrassed.

  “Thankfully, Christine jumped in. ‘You mean sex.’

  “‘Yes,’ I said, embarrassed.

  “‘How long had it been since it last happened before the letter?’

  “I was quiet. I was proud of what I did, but admitting it out loud was a lot more embarrassing than I anticipated. But I answered the question the only way I knew how…honestly. ‘You.’

  “‘Me?’

  “‘Yes.’

  “‘Me? What?’

  “‘The last time I had sex was before I wrote that letter to you. It was three years before that, when I was with you in 1982.’

  “‘You went almost twelve years being celibate?’

  “‘Don’t say the word celibate. It makes me sound like a monk. Trust me, I’m no monk. I chose to not have sex. You and I were corresponding regularly and I was as fulfilled as I ever felt.’

  “‘Then why ‘the letter’?’

  “‘I had to. I was losing my mind waiting for you. The letter was a symbol of my independence. It was a proclamation to myself. It was more about my crying out and hoping I was listening.’

  “‘Was it that bad, Joel?’

  “‘I was corresponding with you regularly. They were the greatest years of my life. Once a month, I received a letter in which you poured your heart out to me. You told me how much you loved me and cared for me. As long as I had my memories of your face, and with my two pictures that I received along the way, I was content to stay faithful to you.’

  “Christine was quiet and then said, ‘But I wasn’t faithful.’

  “‘I know,’ I said simply. ‘I knew you would need to fulfill your wifely duties, especially the fact that you stayed married to Captain Jack so long.’

  “Christine’s back stiffened. ‘Captain Jack? How do you know everyone called him Captain Jack? I never told you that. As a matter of fact, I have purposely never told you his nickname because I dislike it so much.’

  “My heart sank. I knew I better seriously think about telling her the truth because keeping silent made me look like a stalker. ‘Fate’s a funny thing,’ I said.

  “‘How so?’ Christine replied. Her temperament had mellowed out some since the previous question.

  “I knew I needed to finally come clean about serving with her husband in Hanoi for six months. ‘I got drafted,’ I said.

  “‘No, you didn’t. You told me you never served.’

  “‘It was my only lie to you. There was a darn good reason why I didn’t tell you.’

  “‘So, you served?’

  “‘Yes.’

  “Why would you lie to me about that?”

  “Like I said…there actually is a very good reason for that.”

  “Why?” Christine stared into me as if she was trying to figure out if everything I had ever told her had been a lie. One lie seems to be like a deck of cards. Once it falls off, the whole house falls down. But this fib was different. I was just protecting everyone involved. It was such an odd coincidence that I didn’t even know how to bring it up. Now I was caught and needed to tell the truth…fast.

  “‘Christine,’ I said. ‘Your husband, by a very odd twist of fate, was my Captain for six months in Hanoi. I was under the command of Captain Jack.’

  “Christine’s face turned white. ‘Why didn't you tell me?’

  “‘I couldn’t. I didn't know if he might have told you about me. I wasn’t the best man in the Army. Also, I stole his favorite picture of you from him because it was also my favorite picture that he had displayed.’

  “‘You stole a picture. Which one?’ Christine asked.

  “‘It was the best one. He spoke of you often. I grew to love you even more than I already did by listening to all the amazing stories he used to tell about you. It was as if an angel came down and gave me a video of your life.’ I paused, and then I said, ‘After a while I was going to tell you, but I couldn’t figure out the right way to do it until now when this opportunity dramatically presented itself.’

  “‘The story just sounds too unbelievable to me,’ Christine said.

  “‘Why?’

  “‘Because I was all alone in Virginia at the time, raising a little boy all by myself. I couldn’t fathom my husband longing for me. Yet, there were two soldiers with their lives on the front line who were loving me. It’s quite powerful to think about it! If you only knew how alone and unloved I had felt during those years. To be honest, that was the beginning of the end.’

  “‘How’s that?’ It’s pretty clear you two are going to cross the finish line. I’ve done just about everything I can to ask you to be with me and you’re still with your husband.’

  “‘There are a lot of reasons for that. But the main one is I know he loves me the best way he knows how. He might not speak to me in the kind of romantic way I long for but one thing is for sure, he has given me a lifetime of security.’

  “I just nodded my head. I knew there had to have been a practical reason why this woman would stay with a man who was good enough. ‘Who knows? I might have made a horrible husband,’ I said.

  “‘Why would you think that?’

  “‘I’m pretty selfish. Even to the point of loving you, I have been selfish.’

  “‘I think you would be a fabulous husband.’

  “I looked through Christine and I knew she meant what she was saying. ‘I was just a couple months too late. I have often wondered what would have happened if I would have just immediately gone to you when my 1968 season was over. I had a ticket home and my dad had taken a turn for the worse. It could have been Delta, Colorado, but I chose California.’

  “‘You needed to see your parents and siblings. Please don't be hard on yourself. You couldn’t have known then what you know now. Do I wish you came? Of course I do. My entire life would have been different. But I wouldn’t have two amazing kids that are everything in the world to me.’

  “‘Life is a bizarre ride.’ I changed the subject, the children being a sore spot in my heart. ‘You know I have a picture of you.’

  “‘No, you don’t, besides the one you said you stole. What’s that about? And I never sent you one. I hate taking pictures.’

  “‘You used to do it. Get your photo taken,’ I said.

  “‘I used to be young and pretty.’

  “‘You are still the most beautiful woman in the world to me.’

  “‘You might need your eyes checked, Mr. Murphy.’

  “‘I have fantastic vision. Always have. As you can see right here, I have a picture of you.’ I reached into my pocket and pulled out my wallet. I handed her the photo that I had kept for almost thirty years in my wallet.

  “‘Oh my God,’ she said. ‘You have the photo with you.’ Christine grabbed the photo and stared at it. ‘This was my favorite photo. It was the only photo not to make it back from Vietnam and it broke my heart because it was the only one I had of it. I like it more than any of my wedding pictures.’

  “‘I’m sorry. I had to take it. Take solace in knowing I have loved and adored that photo for a very long time. You see what great condition it still is in.’

  “‘Whatever top secret operation you pulled off to steal that picture from my husband, you could have taken a different one.’

  “‘That one was my favorite,’ I said. ‘If I was going to risk being court-martialed, I was taking the golden ticket.’

  “We both laughed. I continued to look at the picture even though I had the real deal right in front of me. The photo was still as beautiful as ever. And the Christine who was right in front of me was even more beautiful. ‘You look pretty angelic in this photo. That was why I took it. It’s how I remembered you all those years.’

  “‘I do think it’s incredibly sweet you
still have it in your wallet after all these years.’

  “‘Sweet?’

  “‘Yeah, it’s sweet.’

  “‘Try pathetic.’

  “‘I like sweet…a lot better. We can’t define what we are. We can’t deny that there is a supernatural force leading us both back to the small, little town a couple times through the years.’

  “‘It’s amazing to me that I’m here with you once again. Don’t get me wrong, there is no place in this world I’d rather be than with you right here right now. I’m just not doing a good job of protecting myself.’

  “‘Protecting yourself from whom?’ Christine asked.

  “‘From myself,’ I answered.

  “‘How are you not protecting yourself?’

  “‘From how much I love you.’

  “Christine’s eyes locked into mine. ‘I need you, Joel.’

  “‘You do?’

  “‘I need you to be with me. I need you to do the things to me that only you can do. I know I’m selfish. I know I have a man who has no idea how to love me in the way I deserve, but he loves me, nonetheless. Right now, today at this point in my journey, I need all of you.’

  “‘For how long?’ I held my breath.

  “‘I can promise you tonight.’

  “My heart sank at hearing those words. What was I thinking? Why was I here? Why did I return to the scene of the crime? Did I dare say the words, I can’t do this? It had been another fifteen years and I was in a house alone at night with the woman I had loved all my life. I was getting a third crack at the kind of love I had only imagined that this world had to offer. So, I let those words filter out of my mind. Although it was heavy on my heart to say them, I wasn’t a masochist. I needed to indulge in the moment more than I needed to breathe.

  “I stared at Christine’s face. We had both stopped talking and we just stared at one another. At first, our stares were about observation and intrigue. Then something happened. We both got out of our minds and into our hearts. We both did it simultaneously.

  “‘I want you, too,’ I said.

  “‘But?’

  “‘But nothing. I want this more than I have ever wanted anything. I honestly mean that.’